Fragments of sanity
by kaktusic
Summary: Diego, Oscar, Soto. Not in that way, you naughty minds! A missing scene before the pack's attack on the human settlement. Warning: crude language and some gory scenes.
1. Oscar

I don't own Ice age characters.

A bit of a missing scene in the Ice Age 1 before we're introduced to the pack of sabers.

**********

From his guarding spot on a high rock, Diego was staring in the distance, watchful and wary, taking in the slightest sounds, the feeblest scents.

They were too close to the humans for his liking, much too close, especially after the recent disastrous encounters with those creatures. He wasn't keen for a replay, and he knew - even if no-one spoke of it in front of him - that the remaining members of the pack felt the same.

All but one. However, that particular one was the only one who made decisions.

But his decisions had led this pack through thick times, cold and dangerous and hungry times, proving to be good and wise, over and over again, and every of those times he'd managed to lead the pack back into relative safety. Under his command, the pack did well.

Until very recently. And Diego had eyes too sharp not to notice that Soto hadn't been the same ever since.

_Well_, _'not the same'_ _might_ _be a bit of an understatement_. '_Unrecognizable'_ _might_ _be more appropriate_.

His line of thoughts was interrupted by a soft sound of slowly approaching paws behind him. The wind was blowing in his face and he couldn't catch the scent, but he knew that prowling, determinate walk. His ear twitched in acknowledgment, but he didn't advert his eyes from the horizon, neither he spoke when Oscar stood standing next to him. Neither tiger said a word, and Diego could tell that Oscar wasn't looking at him, but at the snow-decorated pines below and before the cliff. And Diego didn't feel compelled to break the almost-companionable silence. Somehow, he felt that whatever Oscar had to say wouldn't ease his mind any.

"He won't even hear about changing the plan."

Oscar's words were nearly inaudible, spoken after several minutes of silence. Diego didn't answer. He had a feeling that Oscar was going to speak what was on his mind no matter what Diego said, and his ear twitched again, this time with curiosity. This was the first time that one of the others openly spoke of changing the plan to Diego. But even more interesting than that was the unspoken implication of one of them having actually _dared_ to present Soto with an idea of plan B. And obviously doing it behind Diego's back, while he was away on guard. And of course, there was the thing about Diego not being Oscar's usual choice of shoulder to cry on, and approaching Diego like this was downright weird for Oscar to begin with.

_I'm not going to remotely like this_.

"Everything that breaths is migrating South", Oscar continued softly, still staring in the distance, sounding almost dreamy and absent-mindedly…except Diego knew very well that Oscar rarely said anything that wasn't carefully weighted and thought over, pre-calculated, and if possible, adorned with a poisonous barb or two. "Everything worth hunting, that is."

"I take it that Soto disagrees."

"That's one way of putting it", Oscar growled lowly. Diego spared a quick glance at him, but that was enough to glimpse three painful-looking, fresh slices over his prominent chin and hollow cheek. Well, of course. Zeke or Lenny would never have the guts. Or the coherence required for the task. "He's impossible to talk to, impossible to…" he cut himself off, turning to look at Diego. "Certainly you've noticed…?"

"Noticed what?"

"That he's been…a bit more stubborn than usual lately. And…touchier."

So carefully formulated. So, Oscar didn't quite trust Diego not to run to Soto and tick him off.

"We have all changed", Diego whispered back, meeting Oscar's yellowish-green eyes, and wasn't really surprised to see something raw and fierce flashing on his usually inscrutable, cocky face.

"He's not the only one who suffered a loss!" Oscar hissed at Diego, who couldn't find an appropriate retort for that. Oscar's mate was taken down by humans, just like Soto's mate and his two children- one a fully grown young tigress, the other one, a male, still a cub. And just like their old tracker, a grumpy, flea-infested tigress who had been a member of many packs in her long life, fought many battles, defeated many foes, but failed to survive a natural disaster on two legs.

When they found their skinned bodies, unrecognizable masses of sinew, bone and muscle, distinguished only by the scent of their blood, with their greatest pride in life- their saber teeth- ripped out of their jaws (though the old lady did have only one to start with), Soto's thundering, ear-splitting roars could be heard miles around for days. He wouldn't let any of the scavengers to get close to the bodies until the maggots and flies started to disfigure whatever was left of the dead tigers' shape. That was the point at which Diego had threatened Lenny into helping him with a very dangerous task of forcibly removing Soto away from the smelly mess that was once their family. Thankfully, Soto's devastating grief had already begun to give way to his thirst for revenge, which meant that the necessity to walk away had dawned on him. Things were helped by the fact that he hadn't eaten or drank for days at that point.

Oscar, on the contrary, had turned completely silent, unmoving and unreceptive for about equal amount of time, maybe a bit longer, staring with glazed eyes at the ground.

Diego couldn't tell who disturbed him more of the two.

"So, you all want to abandon the plan?" he finally said.

"Certainly you see, Diego…certainly you're aware that we can't win over humans. They are…unnatural, that's what they are. They knew our moves before we made them, they can do things we can't even-"

"Don't you want to avenge her?" Diego asked softly.

Oscar's eyes flashed dangerously; the fur on his neck stood rigid. Diego didn't look away.

"Never", Oscar breathed, apparently with enormous strain on his self-control, "never ask me that again, Diego. In fact, never mention _her_ again. _Never_."

"I'm surprised, that's all", Diego continued smoothly, "I'd expect you first of all to scream bloody murder. Well, first after Soto, that is."

"Neither of them would want us to risk the fur on our necks for revenge!" Oscar bared his teeth. "It would be pretty much a pointless slaughter, and _we'd_ be the prey! I don't want to end my life, as miserable as it is, as a prey for a hairless, two-legged creature which doesn't even kill for food! When I die, I want to decompose with my fur and my fangs still attached to me, thank you very much!"

"And the reason you're telling me this would be…? Seeing that you hadn't seen it fit to include me in your little scheme while you still believed that Soto might listen?"

"Your bloody opinion on this all, Diego…?!?" Oscar growled in frustration badly disguised as anger.

Diego didn't answer right away. Seeing his hesitation, Oscar pressed on: "We're going to attack the pack of the most dangerous hunters known, only to steal one pathetic cub which isn't even enough of a meal for half a tiger. By doing that, we're going to miss dozens of opportunities for a good hunt, risk being killed at the spot, risk being hunted down by humans for revenge, all for dead tigers who will never know what we did for memory of them! Not exactly a cost-effective investment, now is it?"

How Diego hated when Oscar had a point.

Not that he could tell him that, though. Going against Soto was dangerous and, in Diego's opinion, ungrateful; a poor way to repay a leader who had for years led the pack well and kept them all safe, healthy and well-nourished. Oscar didn't need any encouragement.

"I'm not saying that it's the most logical thing to do. But it might be the most satisfying thing ever, getting our revenge, if we succeed." There. As neutral as it could get.

"Revenge", Oscar spat. "As if revenge could keep us from starving, or getting killed. It's not _our_ revenge. I doubt it's even _your_ revenge. It's _Soto's_ revenge. He might be a bit…awkward lately, but I think you're not going that road. Yet."

"Think again", Diego whispered, flashing his sharp incisors at Oscar. The image of skinned corpses flashed through his mind; the scent of their blood still fresh in his nostrils even now, weeks after their death. He remembered the warm fur of Soto's mate whom he called Auntie; she had raised Diego on her milk together with her own daughter when Diego's parents were gone- a daughter with whom Diego had played when they were cubs, a daughter who had been Diego's one true friend; Soto's and Auntie's daughter, with green Soto's eyes and golden Auntie's fur, the one whom Diego-

He stopped himself, like he'd done numerous times over the past few weeks. If he started to think and feel, he was bound to lose it, and he couldn't afford to lose it. Not now, not yet. Ever since their…loss, Diego had been quite busy trying to put the remaining shreds of their lives back together. With Soto's…wayward state of mind, Oscar's numb uselessness, with Zeke hanging dangerously close at the verge of complete breakdown and with Lenny being as stupid as he was heavy, Diego's daily schedule had him running twenty-four hours a day. He never really had the time to grieve. Now he realized that he didn't want to. He liked busy. He _wanted_ busy.

And all through Diego's inner rant, Oscar was watching him closely, watching emotions crossing Diego's face, and finally drew a humorless, dark grin.

"Noooo, Diego", he drawled. "No, you're not in that way. You are one darn good liar, but so am I. And I've known you since you were a skinny little whelp."

"What do you want from me, Oscar?" Diego whispered, eyes narrowed and cold. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm on a bloody watch here, so if you have nothing relevant to _report_, I suggest that you join the rest of the pack and gather your strength until either Soto or I give you the _orders_."

A delicate stress on words 'report' and 'orders' had a desired effect on Oscar; he bowed his head in admittance of submission, though barely visible; his eyes were glowing with resentment, but he cowered properly nonetheless. _There. Eat that, wise ass_…Oscar had been moderately nice to Diego all through Diego's childhood, until Soto had made the younger tiger the commanding hunter, relieving Oscar of the position, something that Oscar seemed to have taken quite badly. And after the recent slaughter, once Oscar had stirred from his stupor, he didn't seem too pleased to find Diego being given the position of a beta instead of Soto's now-dead mate.

"What I want", Oscar hissed, "is you to be on our side…if we all stay united, we might change his-"

"A mutiny? Is that what we're talking about?" Diego snarled, turning to face Oscar; his claws dug into the hard ground. Soto might not be entirely rational about the whole thing, and he might not have been as nice as Auntie had been, but he did teach Diego to hunt, taught him together with his own daughter; and he did do everything that was in his power to protect the pack; he'd dedicated his life to that. If his will was to be changed, it was bloody _not_ going to be by the means of mutiny. He didn't deserve that.

"Muti- no, no, no!" Oscar quickly backed away, eyes widening. Obviously he realized that he'd headed into very dangerous grounds. "No, that's not what- you're getting it all wrong!"

"How am I supposed to get it?" Diego roared, his bared teeth an inch or two away from Oscar's nose. "Have you lost your mind? How exactly did you mean to do it? Are _you_ going to fight with him? You can't win, neither of us can! Think whatever you want about him, but you know darn well that Soto is the best bloody fighter any of us had ever seen! I'm not fighting him for the life of me, even if I wanted to! And don't even think about telling me that you were planning on the _four of us_ bringing him down together! Where's your bloody honor, Oscar, bloody _crap_!?!"

"No, I'm telling you- we didn't- I 'm not saying-"

"Have it crossed your mind that we owe him some credit…some bloody loyalty? He'd been leading this pack for years- for longer than I live, you should know better than me that he never failed, never let us down! Don't you think that- "

"Yeah, I bloody know him longer and better than you…_commander_", Oscar growled out. "And that's the reason why I'm telling you this; he's not the same tiger he was only two months ago! This…" he lowered his voice, ears twitching around; "…this _changed_ him, and not for the better. He's…"

Oscar's tongue flicked over the still- oozing slices on his face. His eyes were now uncertain; Diego's breath was quick and shallow. "…Diego, you're clever enough, darn it. You're not blind. But you don't _want_ to see. Soto has slipped. Inside." Another pause. "He threatened to kill me."

Diego snorted. "So? Lenny threatens to kill Zeke eleven times a day. You and I, we threatened each other more times than I can-"

"No, kid, this is diff-"

A low, rumbling roar through Diego's exposed teeth made Oscar wisely rephrase the sentence.

"No, commander, this is different. Believe me, he meant it. He'd have me killed. He's ready to kill any of us if we fail him."

Diego took his time breathing. So did Oscar.

"That is not true", Diego finally spoke in a soft voice. Threats and occasional brawls with light-to-medium injuries were a normal way of communications among tigers. But killing was not. Killing was for prey only. And Soto, Soto had risked his neck dozens of time for the pack. He had allowed an orphan cub from a foreign pack into his own, and had his mate raise him with his own child. He had allowed even Lenny, who wasn't even a saber, but a scimitar cat, in the pack; Lenny, another cub found lost and parentless, and Auntie and the tracker had taken pity, Diego remembered that; Auntie had coaxed Soto into taking the then-little scimitar with them, and Soto hesitated at first, but growled his approval at last, muttering something about the bloody runt being their close-to-cousin, after all. And the scimitar cub pretty much flourished under Soto's tutelage, that much was obvious, and now that same scimitar was working behind Soto's back to undermine that one thing that Soto might bloody _need_, just like Lenny needed this pack when he was just a tiny, toothless cub. That was so bloody _great_.

"It's true", Oscar whispered. "That's why I…"

"You're overreacting, Oscar. Soto gave you one good slash across the face, that's all. He wouldn't-"

"Are you listening to me? He's gone _insane_! If you've refused to notice it by now, at least check it for yourself! We're being led by a darn _lunatic_!!!"

_Well, that much about cool and calculated_…

Oscar had obviously dropped all pretenses by now; he was squirming in his skin, Diego could see, and his usually inscrutable face was alight with combination of anger, fear and pain. He'd even stopped worrying about Diego reporting him to Soto. _Is the world ever going to stop crumbling to pieces, please? 'Cos I could use some repose…_

"I'm asking- I came here for that…we're all asking you…it's not mutiny we're talking about, it's just…if you could…he wouldn't listen to us…and he- he thinks quite highly of you, I'll be damn if I know why, but he does, and he's kinda fond of you, more than…and I…we thought…that he might, perhaps…if you could talk to him…talk him into heading South…and maybe, with all that prey to be hunted, maybe his mind might…clear up a bit, if you'd…just…talk to him." Oscar gulped, looking away, breathing heavily. Diego had never heard Oscar, smooth-tongued Oscar, stuttering like that. It was nearly as bad as him staring with empty eyes at the ground, and Diego felt bone-tired and drained, suddenly feeling every sleepless night and restless day he'd lately gone through.

The small, fluffy, tawny form of their pack's youngest member, always grinning, Soto's and Auntie's little son, feebly flickered before Diego's tired eyes. And then the little body, a small lump of bloody muscles and glassy, open green eyes.

But if Soto had really gone over that end…

"All right, I'll talk to him", Diego whispered in the end. "But I doubt he'll change his mind."

Oscar's yellowish-green eyes went wide with relief. He actually believed that Diego had some influence with Soto? Well, coming from Oscar, that was one hell of a prize.

"We trust you with that, Diego", the older tiger said. The dark circles around his eyes seemed to show more than ever.

And the hardest thing was that he actually sounded sincere.

*****

Like it? Hate it? Should I continue? The next- and the last- chapter would get Soto and Diego in a serious conversation…even if we all know what would be the outcome…


	2. Soto

Phew, this took me a world of backache!

I don't own Ice Age characters.

******

Diego found Soto pacing the small perimeter of the clearance they've settled on; up and down, up and down, over and over again, occasionally growling and hissing to himself, teeth bared and grinding, eyes flashing, like he'd been doing very often recently. It made Diego both dizzy and very uncomfortable. It was the behavior of somebody trapped, caged; a strong, powerful cat, helpless despite his strength, and desperate for that, and Diego had never seen Soto displaying the feeblest sign of helplessness; he'd always been a fortress of unwavering might and self-assuredness.

Cub Diego had been afraid of thunderstorms- not that he'd ever admitted it, or shown it- and he'd always found it reassuring that it was Soto who had been protecting them all; powerful, scary Soto, who could, cub Diego was certain, defeat the thunder and the wind if only he'd been in the mood to bother with it.

Well, the cub grew up, he no longer feared thunderstorms, and he no longer believed that Soto could submit the forces of nature to his will. But the respect and admiration remained, and seeing Soto so thoroughly cracked in so many places made Diego physically nauseous. It was like seeing a magnificent and beautiful, if cold and deadly, glacier melting away, and it wasn't a pleasant sight.

Zeke was squirming in the shade of a large rock, huddled close to Lenny, whose small eyes followed Soto's even pacing rhythm as if he'd been hypnotized. But at the sight of Diego, both subordinates fixed their glares on him in such desperate, raw hope, that it was almost disgusting. What on Earth did they expect from him? They hadn't seen it fit to inform Diego of their plan while they believed that Oscar could put it to action, and now that Oscar had failed, they had the audacity to beg Diego like this with their eyes. Had they had an iota of honor, they wouldn't be able to look into his eyes at all. It was bloody sickening, and sickening was their cowardly inability to stand before Soto and speak their minds. Diego passed them by, ignoring to acknowledge them, but feeling their burning eyes at the back of his neck when he approached Soto.

"Aren't you supposed to be on guard?" Soto growled quietly, not looking at Diego, continuing his pacing.

"I had Oscar relieving me for some time."

"Good. He'd better not show up until I kill something first."

_Nice start._ "And I thought that we might discuss the plan for tomorrow in more detail."

"Well, tell me what you have come up with."

"I wanted to hear your idea first."

"I told you", Soto growled, "the only thing I insist on is that _you_ be the one to get the baby, and not any of them worthless, spineless…" his voice trailed off through his clenched white teeth. "…as for the any other part of the plan, I give you full freedom. You've proven yourself to be one darn good strategist; whatever you decide, I'm probably gonna like it. Just make sure to inform me of it first…and hurry up with it, Diego, 'cos them humans are soon gonna clear out of here, and then we'll have eleven more times more trouble to do it than now, while they're not on the move."

"Soto," Diego whispered, "wouldn't it be easier if we'd just…kill the leader, and as many of the adults as we can, and be done with it? At least we would get some food-"

"NO!" Soto hissed, leaning into Diego with bared teeth and something very similar to intense hate, or fury-filled pain; his eyes were burning with it, and Diego had to force himself not to blink and not to cringe. He fully expected to receive a slash across his face like Oscar. "Have you been listening to me any? _I don't want that human to die!_ I want him to bloody _live_ after he'd seen his child's remains, like-"

He didn't finish the sentence. He abruptly turned away from Diego, growling under his breath, and made a few more circles around the clearing, while every well-toned muscle in his body seemed to be strung for attack; his claws were unsheathed, and that burning, acrid feeling was seeping from under every hair in his fur.

Once again, Diego thought how much he hated it when Oscar was right. Soto had always been stubborn, but never irrational. But this…

"We mustn't forget about our other…needs", Diego tried again, softly. "We're already well behind most of the prey; everything is migrating South. If we don't follow soon, we'll have a major problem. And if this doesn't work…ideally, and one of us gets even only slightly injured, and slows the pack down…"

He wisely shut his mouth when he saw the stare Soto had given him. It made a shiver go down his back, making his fur bristle, even so slightly, and Soto had noticed it, he was sure of it. And now he was getting more and more certain of another thing.

It wasn't a regular authority glare from a leader to a subordinate. It was an empty, horrifying stare one would address not to a fellow pack member, any pack member…but to a prey animal. And it wasn't the prospect of impending death that made Diego's skin crawl even more. It was the dawning realization that their greatest stronghold was being rapidly destroyed right under their paws, and Diego had been the only one not to realize until now.

Well, it wasn't exactly like that. It was more like Oscar had said; he'd been refusing to see, until Oscar had pretty much whacked him with the truth right between his eyes. And he'd always secretly prided himself on carrying more than average amount of brains on his neck. Too bad he'd been so reluctant to put it into motion lately. Idiot.

Soto was standing motionless like a glowering stone sculpture, and with a cold, unreadable expression to match. Only the dark, reddish-brown fur on his neck moved when light wind gently ruffled it. But his eyes, fixed on Diego, were completely empty, empty like eyes of Auntie and the kid and the tracker and _her_-

"Walk with me" he said finally, very quietly. But it seemed louder than any roar Diego had ever heard in his days. Not waiting for Diego to answer, Soto prowled away among the rocks.

Diego braced himself for whatever was about to come and followed his leader. Behind him, Zeke let out a high-pitched sound of a long-held breath being let out.

They walked in complete silence- or, rather, they prowled; Diego didn't understand what was on Soto's mind at first- he was merely grateful that Soto didn't jumped for his throat the moment they were out of the pack's immediate attention- but he mimicked Soto's careful, soundless progress, until it came to him very soon where they were headed.

He wanted very much to hiss: _'no! I'm not bloody getting any closer to them!'_ but his unwillingness to be a coward in anybody's eyes, his leader's eyes in particular, was holding him back more efficiently than the very real chance of Soto killing him for disobedience. So he held his breath against the unwelcome, unpleasant scents of human settlement and followed; Soto turned over his shoulder to glance at him once or twice. That second time, Diego thought he'd caught a glimpse of a cold, but satisfied grin on Soto's face. Whatever was there to grin about was beyond Diego, because he himself had rarely ever been so disinclined to smile as at that point, while disgusting, horrifying scents that followed humans were growing stronger and stronger, hitting Diego's sensitive nose worse than a bludgeon to the head.

At last, they came to the top of a cliff that humans had chosen to settle under; they were so dangerously close that they could make out the ugly, furless faces of individual pack members below.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing that was clearly distinguishable down there, at the bottom of that cliff.

Soto was now closely observing Diego, and when Diego's own eyes remained transfixed to the scene below, and worse, his nostrils kept widening to take in the scent he'd never wanted to feel in his life, Soto spoke, sounding almost satisfied: "And that's why I brought you here…"

Diego didn't answer. He barely heard Soto.

Down there, stretched between the poles and above the fires that probably served to dry them, were the familiar furry skins of their dead packmates.

That shabby, grayish one- Diego knew it well… it belonged to the Old Lady; how many times Diego had seen her scratching her flanks against rocks and trees, swearing that those damn fleas would be the death of her? She had taught Diego how to track, taught him flawlessly, and he could remember with painful clarity that same grayish pelt flattened to the ground as she was showing him how to stalk.

The largest, golden one…it was cut in two and stretched on two pairs of poles…it was the fur in which Diego had searched for milk, warmth and comfort when he was a cub, his earliest memory; the one he'd been running after when he'd been learning to hunt; the one that had kept him warm when he'd went ill with fever even if he'd been almost a grown-up; it was Auntie.

The small, still fluffy, tawny one…that kid had only just learned how to run, and Diego and the kid's big sister had played tag with him, the game always ending up with Diego or the kid's sis gently taking the cub by that fluffy nape and bringing him, already half-asleep, back in the Auntie's and Soto's gentle care.

The dark brown one, Oscar's mate…Diego had never seen Oscar smiling at anybody but her; whenever the sun would shine down on that coal-black streak of fur on her neck, it would glow, sleek and beautiful like a raven's wing, and cool, collected Oscar could be seen staring at her like he'd never seen her before, even after all their years together and all the litters they've had. And she being ever as childish and reckless as Oscar was dead-serious, she'd have him chasing her all across the place, and Soto would shake his head and gruffly point out how _that_ tigress would never grow up.

And the last one, the other golden one… Diego had spent endless times staring at that golden fur; as long as he could remember, since they were cubs, he'd been the one to stare, and she'd be the one to catch his stare and to look up and down her sides in confusion: _do I have something in my fur?_ And he, the idiot he'd been, would answer: _er, not any more…there was a horsefly, but it flew away now_. When they were cubs, they'd both sleep cuddled together on Auntie's belly, and Diego could feel both of their heartbeats and the warmth of both of their furs; when they played, he and the golden-colored daughter of his leader, she'd always win, because Diego didn't have the heart to deliver the slightest scratch to her, so his own skin was at most times a picturesque collection of scratches, slices and bites; when they hunted, he'd watch her, strong and deadly and beautiful; even smeared with blood and gore, snarling and hissing, she was still beautiful, she still knew to hold herself like a young queen that she was; when they walked to the water after a hunt, they would walk close to one another, shoulders touching, and her pelt always glowed, warm, sleek and golden, making his breath short… There'd be time to tell her, he'd been telling himself; we're young and strong and I have the whole time in the world to let her know, but he could never dream, in his worst nightmares, that if he hesitated, he'd only have a chance to speak to her dead skinless body, or to her dead skin, which was, to make the things worse, still beautiful, even in death.

He stood on that cliff top for long, long time, and Soto was standing close to him. Nobody spoke a word. Diego was staring at the pelts, and Soto was staring at Diego, eyes intent and intense, and there was something similar to a cold, satisfied smile tugging at the corner of his mouth every now and then while he was looking at the younger tiger. Shivers were going down Diego's back, one after another, as the still-decipherable scents of their lost friends and family kept invading his nostrils, teasing him, making his eyes burn and his vision swim. His heart seemed to have rapidly outgrown his ribcage, suffocating him; if he didn't leave this place, or scream from the top of his lungs, or kill something, anything, he was surely going to lose his mind.

"You understand", Soto finally spoke, voice low and soft, almost gentle, "you feel it, too."

It wasn't a question. Diego would have answered _yes, yes, yes_, but his throat seemed too thick to pass air, let alone a word.

"That's why I wanted you to see…and smell…they are not like you and me, none of them. Not even Oscar, and he's the best of them. They wouldn't understand. They would only panic."

Diego had to clear his throat several times before managing to squeeze out: "But…when we attack…they'll see…they might bolt…"

"They won't, not once they're properly riled and prepared to fight. I'm counting on you to give them some…morale booster. You and that smooth tongue of yours. I'm not really a type for nice speeches. I can only threaten them, and in this case, it won't work."

He paused, frowning, before continuing: "Lenny is about as sensitive as a tree stump. He won't be a problem. He'll run right over the fur that he'd been once licking milk from, and he won't even realize. Zeke is another pair of antlers, but once he's gone berserk, there will be no stopping him. He only needs a motivation and a little push, and he'll forget about how much of a cowardly wreck he usually is. Oscar…" Another pause. "It's Oscar that's worrying me. He is not stupid, he's not a coward, and he only wants to forget. He's the one that needs to be talked to. Really talked to. And I'm saying, I'm counting on you to do that. I'm too old for that crap."

Diego nodded. He still couldn't advert his eyes from the furs. And he was threateningly close to either bolt down, alone, and get himself killed, taking as many humans as possible with him in the process, or to lose every remaining shred of pride and self-control, fall apart and actually start to weep right there, in front of his leader, and that would be the end of his high-ranking days in the pack…or whatever was left of it. Soto allowed no such childish weakness in his hunters.

"Look at me. Look at me, Diego" suddenly Soto growled, as if he'd sensed that his beta was quickly tearing apart on all seams. "Look at me!"

Diego slowly turned to obey. His entire body was shaking, down to the sheaths of his claws. He had to clench his teeth to stop them from clattering.

Two pairs of green eyes met, and in Soto's eyes Diego saw, despite all the madness and pain and horrible, hollow emptiness, something strong, something he could cling to when everything else went to hell, something he'd seen numerous times in the eyes of Soto's daughter. That iron-hard, unwavering will. She could have been immortal with will like that; she was the only tiger ever that could all alone kill a bison while he was still kicking and trashing around, before he'd been pulled to the ground. And that will and those eyes of hers she'd gotten from her father, and now that same father was looking at Diego with eyes like hers, and wanted revenge.

"It would all be different if they killed them for food", Soto said. "It would be a matter of a better predator winning. That's how things work. Like it or not, that's bloody _life_. But they didn't touch their flesh, they let it to rot, and they took only the things that were making them…what they _were_…while they lived! Do you understand, Diego?"

Yes, he understood, and he nodded. He had no fond memories of their flesh, but he had a lifetime of memories of their furs and fangs and eyes. And those humans left only their eyes. They shouldn't have taken their fangs, he thought feverishly. There's no honor in that. They killed them only to show that they could, and then they mocked on them by taking their greatest pride. It wasn't how a hunter should behave.

"Oscar wants to forget", Soto continued whispering, still fixing Diego with those damnable eyes, "but I don't. I can't. I was their _leader_! Whatever came to them, it was my…I'll never sleep again without their voices coming into my dream if I don't avenge them. Only then, I'll…breathe again. I _need_ that bloody revenge, Diego, or I'll never-"

He stopped, and this time he was the one to look away, and Diego was staring at him, immobile. This was the most personal thing Soto had ever confided in him, and Diego knew that he'd never hear anything like this again. He also knew that it took a great deal on Soto's pride to push it through his teeth. And then he remembered it would be prudent to look away now, so he did, and for some more time they both stared at the drying furs under the cliff. And during that time, Diego remembered Oscar's stuttering plea, Zeke's and Lenny's begging, hopeful eyes…and then again, Soto's words…_only then, I'll breathe again_.

A motion down in the human camp drew Soto's attention. "Look now, Diego. See that human leaving that group? That's their leader, that's the baby's father. Remember him well," Soto took a deep intake of breath, and the scent it carried, and Diego mimicked him. "And- yeah, there it is…"

A slender human, presumably a female, appeared from one of the dens, carrying a little human cub in her arms. She lowered it to the ground, and it wobbled, squeaking; the male caught its fall with gentleness that made Diego bare his fangs. Soto's kid had to die so that this little bunch of skin could play with his fur.

"Oh, look at the cute little baby, Diego. Isn't it nice he'd be joining us for breakfast?" Soto whispered lowly, and glanced briefly at Diego, whose eyes were still on the dead Junior's fur. And Diego knew that he had only one chance to answer correctly, and he spoke without hesitation: "It wouldn't be breakfast without him."

His own voice sounded strangely to him- calm, cold, even more so than usual, while his heart was still hammering so wildly in his chests. He looked as Soto, but Soto's attention was now at the baby. Goodness, how Diego wanted to get away from this place. Shivers were still raking down his back, cold and hot at the same time, and still he wanted to stay close to _them_, to what was left of them, close to the familiar scents of their furs, even if they were laced liberally with stench of death.

"Especially since his daddy wiped out half of or pack and wears our skin to keep warm", Soto spat. This sounded more like he was talking to himself than to Diego, and Diego could see that he was now staring at his daughter's skin. Soto's _daughter_…Soto's _son_…Oscar's _mate_…Diego couldn't bring himself to even think of their names, let alone to speak them, or he might start screaming them out…

"An eye for an eye" Soto continued. "Don't you _think_?"

These last words were snarled out through clenched teeth, and those hard, green eyes, burning and cold at the same time, _her_ eyes, were on Diego again, and as much as Soto had tried to make it sound like an offhand question, it wasn't like that. Not at the least.

_Are you with me?,_ it meant. _Are you with me, or are you my enemy?_

Diego remembered Soto's empty glare earlier, how he looked at him like he'd look at prey, and Oscar's statement. _He threatened to kill me. He meant it._ And Soto's words again. _I need that revenge…only then, I'll breathe again._

There was no going around this one. And now, looking at those furs stretched on those poles, a good deal of Diego's soul, too, felt like there really _should_ be no going around this one.

"Let's show that human what happens when he messes with sabers", he heard his own cold, growling voice, spoken through clenched teeth, answering without hesitation. He still couldn't pry his eyes from the skins.

"Alert the troops. We attack at dawn." Soto said suddenly businesslike, sounding more like the leader Diego knew, self-assured and with all four paws firmly on the ground. There was a definite order in his voice, and Diego knew that their time together here was over. He was grateful for that, grateful that something was forcing him to turn away, and still he regretted leaving this spot where he could still take in their scents.

Well, Soto had given him the direct order, so he was thankfully relieved of the necessity to choose. He turned to leave, only now realizing that his paws had gone numb like stone.

"And, Diego…"

Diego paused.

"Bring me that baby…_alive_. If I'm gonna enjoy my revenge, I want it to be _fresh_."

And again, Soto turned to staring at the skins.

Now Diego knew where Soto had spent all those nights away from the pack, and how.

He didn't envy him.

Diego's three companions were all waiting for him at the guarding spot. His paws still felt heavy like lead. His communication skills might have been better than Soto's, but he still had no idea how to present the situation to them without making them even more contrary to the plan than they were now. And there was a plan to develop before dawn. Perhaps the subtle approach…

"We attack the humans at dawn. I'll be the one to get the baby. The sooner we do it, the sooner we're over with it."

Lenny moaned in disappointment. Zeke jumped to his paws, his huge eyes bulging out, every muscle trembling. "You two been out there the whole evening, and _that's_ the only thing you came to?"

But neither Lenny's or Zeke's reaction stabbed Diego. He was looking at Oscar- _trying_ to look at him- Oscar's large, round eyes went dangerously narrow and hostile.

"We trusted you", he hissed. "We bloody _trusted_ you with this!"

Diego detested this; detested having to choose between two evils, one worse than the other. Oscar might not have been the most pleasant person to have around at times, and sure he'd done his best to make Diego's life miserable ever since Diego was assigned a commanding hunter, but it didn't mean that Diego didn't hold a decent amount of respect for the older tiger. He was a good hunter, a good thinker, and after all, Diego's elder, even if he was now below Diego in the chain of command. But still Diego hated to see this look of deep resentment and disappointment in his eyes.

_Resentment? That's last year's snow, Diego. This is an outright hate_.

"I saw their skins", Diego spoke in the deepest, most authoritative voice he could muster. "I saw them and recognized each one of them. Forgive me if it had me riled up a bit. It sure should rile you up, all of you, if you still had anything remotely like courage somewhere in your blood." He turned to stare purposefully into Oscar. "You can still see that black streak on her fur", he whispered.

Oscar froze. So did Zeke. Only Lenny didn't seem to perceive danger in the air. Completely overlooking Diego's and Oscar's staring contest, bristled fur, and Oscar's glazed eyes and shallow breathing, he wondered loudly: "You been to the human's camp?" he looked at Diego in awe. "Wow."

"We have. I saw what I needed to." He looked at the tigers around him, one by one. "We're not going to be cowards. We can do this, fast and easy, and then we'll head South, and Soto will have his retribution- we all will…" he glanced at Oscar. "And when it all is over, we might very likely have Soto back, the way he was. He needs this. He'd taken a good care of this pack; we owe him that much. We owe _them_ that much. "

He took a deep breath. Only Lenny seemed a bit relieved by his words. Diego looked at him. "Lenny, who's the best darn strategist you've ever heard of?"

"Oh? Um…well…I've only heard Soto a couple of times sayin' it's you."

"Righty. Who planned the hunt at the Deer Creek?"

"Um..You?"

"Right. And who led the ambush at Glacier Pass?"

"Er..you?"

"Who set up the escape out of that crap with humans last year?"

"Ehm…you did?"

"Who planned that little snack at the bison herd at the East Watering Hole?"

"Oh, that was a _really_ good one!" Zeke jumped, licking his lips eagerly, eyes momentarily alight.

"Those were all good hunts, and it will be a good hunt this time, too, because I'm gonna set this thing up, and soon enough we'll have another kind of prey to stalk. Have I ever let you guys down?"

"Just now", Oscar muttered darkly, but Zeke was looking at Diego with renewed hopes, and Lenny was already ready to do whatever Diego would tell him to.

Diego's and Oscar's eyes met again. Sparks of hate flashed and died out.

_We'll make through this, _Diego thought.

_We have to._


End file.
